Sunday, June 20, 2010

Dad

I miss you.

I miss the way things used to be. I miss being excited to tell you what was going on in my life. I miss being able to cry on your shoulder and know that your shoulder rubs and words could make everything feel better again. I miss joking with you about how crazy our family is. I miss seeing you in your "spot" on the sofa on Christmas morning. I miss picturing my wedding day without worrying if I should invite you or not. I miss having a solid foundation in my life. I miss long conversations with you when you weren't drunk. I miss long conversations with you where you didn't twist my words around later. I miss long conversations with you where I didn't realize halfway through that your brain doesn't really work anymore. I miss not having so much pain and worry in my heart when I think of you.

Today you are sitting in the same motel room that you have been living in for almost 6 months. As far as I know, you only leave once a week to deposit a check in mom's account and probably to buy booze. Alcoholism has broken your mind and you are too paranoid, depressed, and sick to live a normal life now. The you I remember from a few years ago and the person you are today are two completely different people. I never imagined that the strong man that I loved and depended on would end up being so weak and broken. I am heart broken that you've done this to yourself and to our family. I call you every now and then, but I end up regretting it half the time. I called this morning but kept it short and sweet, which I worry may have hurt your feelings and I hate that, because you break my heart every. single. day.

Happy father's day, Daddy. I hope that today was as good a day as it could be for you. I love you.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Soaked

Well...it's Thursday and I still haven't done my weekend recap...go me!

We had a really nice long weekend. Saturday we went out to breakfast at noon (what?) and then ventured to the East Side of Providence to get Geoffrey some new bike brakes at the bike shop. Somehow we did not know that Brown University's graduation was that day and that part of town was PACKED. We managed to find parking and walked around a little bit before being overcome by the crowd and the humidity. Once we got home we decided to take Bandit on a little hike. The weather said that there was a 30% chance of scattered thunderstorms starting around 6pm, but we got to the trail at 4pm so we figured we were all set. You see where this is going, right? We got about 30 minutes into the woods and the skies openned up and sheets of rain came pouring down on us. Now, I actually like hiking in the rain, especially when it's as hot as it was this weekend. I do not like being in the middle of the woods while it's thundering and lightening. I may have been a little panicky. I may have almost cried a little at first. Geoff may have had to force me to stand under a tree for a few minutes waiting for the storm to pass to keep me from running in the other direction screaming. Anyway, we thought it would pass quickly because of how extremely hard it was raining. I mean...it almost hurt it was raining so hard! Alas, we started hiking back to the car and were poured on the entire way. Poor Bandit, who had been having so much fun on the way into the woods, was not happy that we were "forcing" him to stay outside in the rain. We made it to the car...all very wet.




After dinner, Geoff dropped me off at the Comedy Connection so that I could start "girl's night" with a friend, her friend, and her sister. I had been iffy about going as I was really tired and wasn't sure I would be up for going out, but after getting dressed up I was pumped and ready for the night. Unfortunately, the other girls had spent the day at the beach chasing 2 small children around and were wiped. After the show (9:30ish?) they wanted to go home and go to bed. LAME. I called Geoff and we went out for a drink before heading home for chips and guac and beer in our pajamas. The night turned out a little differently than I had planned, but it was still awesome.

Well that seems long enough for now, so I will fill you in on the rest of my weekend later.

How are you all doing? Anyone like hiking in thunderstorms? :)